Ratings: MC, MS, ES, MHS, EHS
The preview:
“What makes you think anything is wrong? I simply don’t wish to continue with our current activities.”
Elim seemed to have gotten his emotions under control. It sounded like they were discussing a bit of literature over lunch, almost. But, Julian wasn’t fooled. He was now reasonably good at recognizing when his friend was bothered and trying to hide the fact.
“Elim, I know you better than that. Something is bothering you; I just don’t know what. So, please talk to me.”
“Oh yes, the genetically engineered human knows what’s best for everyone, prying into things that are best left alone. Really Doctor you are insufferably naïve and arrogant. Of course, you know better than myself what I’m feeling. So you must use your insidious methods to dig and pry in order to change me, to make me better. More like you.”
The words were like disruptor blasts shot with deadly accuracy. They hit their mark, cutting deep. Elim immediately regretted the words. He had let his uneasiness get the better of him. When had he become so weak that a simple situation like this one caused him to loose control? He was to good at making stinging remakes to let himself loose control like this. He didn’t dare turn around to see Julian’s pained expression.
“Julian…” He was cut off.
“No Elim. It’s my turn to talk. We really need to discuss what just happened here. I’m going to go cool down. I’ve had about as much of this heat as I can take at the moment. Take some time to yourself, then I’ll meet you in the tepidarium.”
With those words Julian left the sauna, hurt and angry. He recognized clearly his friend’s reaction. Something very personal and probably painful to the man was behind the sudden change. It was the same type of defensive technique Elim had employed when the implant was malfunctioning. But, still the words hurt.
Julian paused as he entered the tepidarium. It was so much cooler in this room. He decided that going into the frigidarium would make returning to this room less pleasant. Instead he went out into the entry hall and retrieved a data rod from his trouser pocket.
He had planned to give Elim a copy of the program. He had thought it would be a nice present to give as a way of ending the date. He had planned to give it to Elim right after showing him the library. He decided that no matter how the upcoming conversation went he was going to give Elim the gift.
He quickly removed another data rod from the other pants pocket. Even if they decided that it was best not to pursue the relationship he was intent on them remaining friends. He went back into the tepidarium feeling calmer.
He just wished that he could figure out why Elim found it so difficult to accept that he truly cares for the man. Oh come on Julian, he thought, you can guess why. Look at what he had for a father. It was no wonder the man was ill equipped to deal with being in a caring relationship. Julian knew he would just have to be patient and understanding if he wanted this to work, he really wanted this to work.
He sat down on one of the soft settee. He hid the data rods under the pillow next to him. Maybe he should have brought his towel with him. Well, that could be fixed.
“Computer, one bath towel please.”
The item materialized next to him. He stood up, put it on and then sat back down. Hopefully it would make Elim a little more comfortable. He had a strong feeling that the coming conversation would be a difficult one.
He was beginning to wonder if Elim would come out of the room to talk or not when the man finally entered the room. He was wearing the robe again. Julian was glad that he had decided to put on the towel. It seemed that Elim felt the conversation would be easier without nudity. Julian noticed that the man seemed calmer, as if he had taken time to think about things.
Elim approached the settee, but didn’t sit down right away.
“Julian, I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t…” He paused, it seemed that apologizing was proving difficult for him.
“You didn’t mean what you said. You were just saying what you knew would bother me most.” Julian finished for him.
“Yes.” He seemed defeated. “I didn’t mean… I just got nervous. It was a reaction. I know you care for me, you’re wonderfully naïve that way. It’s rather refreshing, but also disconcerting.”
“Elim, stop.” He paused to give the man a moment to collect himself again. “I know this isn’t easy for you, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Just relax. As you said I care for you, and that means that I’ll be as understanding as I can when these little misunderstandings happen. But, we’re going to have to talk about them. Or they’ll just keep repeating themselves. Okay?”
“Okay.”
There was a moment of quite while they both considered how to proceed. Elim decided to sit down on the other end of the settee. He still felt a little inclined to bolt for the door, but overall he was calmer.
“I know my words hurt you. And, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean them. However, I’m afraid I can’t take them back. You’ve heard them.” Elim looked at his hands, which were laced together setting in his lap.
“You may not be able to take them back, but I can accept your apology and forgive you for having uttered them. I think we both understand why you said them.” Julian took Elim’s hand in his the same way he had during the incident with the implant malfunction. “I forgive you.”
Elim just stared at him with a slightly surprised look on his face. He didn’t know what to say. The human concept of forgiveness still confounded him on occasion. He seemed to be capable of giving forgiveness, but still had problems when it was given to him.
Julian turned slightly so that he could easily see Elim. He was sure that the next part of the conversation was going to be tense. He reached out and took Elim’s other hand. Elim turned slightly to accommodate the connection. He knew he wasn’t going to like what was coming, but there wasn’t much choice. It was have this very awkward conversation or forget about ever having a relationship with Julian.
“What I don’t understand is what happened to cause that conversation. I know it was something that I did, but I don’t know what that something was. I certainly didn’t intend to make you jump away from me like that. I wanted to bring you pleasure.”
“I know.”
Elim didn’t know how he was going to tell Julian what had happened. It would have been easier if the man were still mad at him. At least that way it would seem like less of a risk. But, now that Julian had forgiven him. He wasn’t sure if he could explain and risk the rejection that would likely follow.
“Elim, I know it’s hard for you to talk about stuff, but we’re going to have to talk if we’re going to continue this relationship. And, I want to continue it.”
Julian paused trying to think of a way to make this easier for his friend. The man was obviously struggling with the situation. But, he just wasn’t sure how to make it easier for Elim. He decided to try guessing at the problem, ask questions of his reticent companion.
“Did I do something that is a cultural taboo?” A horrifying thought dawned on Julian. “Is it improper to initiate intercourse during the shedding process?”
Elim actually smiled in response to the question. The expression on Julian’s face made him relax slightly. It was just so humorous and charming.
“No, you didn’t break any cultural taboos. I understand that shedding between bonded pairs and intimates often leads to sexual intercourse. Even among some very close friends that aren’t otherwise interested in each other sex sometimes occurs. I think humans would call it ‘friends with benefits?’ So really your actions were quite natural given the circumstances.”
Elim paused again. He had reached another moment when he should explain to Julian. His mouth went dry as he tried to say the words. He just ended up mouthing silently.
Julian was patient. He didn’t interrupt Elim’s attempt at communicating. He was relieved that he hadn’t done something to offend Elim culturally, but still at a loss as to what he had done. He was struggling with his strong need to know. He wanted to make the situation right, but could not.
“It just that I’ve..”
Well, that was an improvement, Julian thought. He waited a few more moments before responding to the words. Maybe Elim would respond well to a bit of encouragement.
“You’ve?”
Julian smiled lovingly at Elim. He disentangled one hand from the hand it was clasping and brushed a cool, grey cheek. Elim reached up with his free hand and held the warm, golden hand against his cheek. It was comforting in a way he wouldn’t have expected.
“I’ve never…”
He still couldn’t get the words out. He felt almost paralyzed by his vulnerability. How was he ever going to tell Julian? He released the hand against his cheek and turned his head so that he was no longer directly facing the man. Maybe that would make it easier.
“You’ve never…?” Julian pondered aloud.
What could Garak, the worldly spy, have never done? It related directly to his earlier actions. The man had been fine, more than fine, while Julian was finishing with the shedding process. It had only been when he grabbed Elim’s… Oh, that must be it. Elim had frozen when Julian grasped his penis.
“Elim, is it because you’ve never been with a human?”
That seemed the most probable of reasons to Julian. He suspected that Elim didn’t have much direct interaction with humans before Starfleet came to the station. Elim’s lack of reaction made it clear to Julian that there was more going on though.
“That’s part of it.”
Elim’s berated himself, you’re telling half-truths now. Stop it. Just explain the situation to him. He’ll figure it out eventually anyway. But he was unable to vocalize the truth.
Julian thought for a moment before asking the next question.
“Is it that you’ve never been with an alien?” Another thought entered Julian’s mind and he added. “Or that you’ve never been with a man?”
Elim made a derisive snorting in response to the questions.
“Both.”
It seemed the derision was directed at him self. Julian was a bit surprised to find that he was more experienced in this area than Elim. At least he could put him at ease.
“Elim, I’m fine with this being your first time with another man. Anyway, your experience with women will be more helpful than you think. Of course it’s different with a man, but there are similarities. There’s no reason to be really nervous or ashamed. We can go at your pace. I’d I think its wonderful that I’ll get to share this first time experience with you. That’s of course if you want to do this.”
Julian was surprised that his words didn’t seem to reassure Elim. The man sitting next to him looked as tense and mortified as ever.
“Elim?”
The man seemed stuck inside his own head. He mumbled something that sound suspiciously like experience, but Julian wasn’t sure. Apparently there was more to this than Julian had assumed. The next words, spoken just barely audibly, shocked Julian.
“I haven’t got any experience. I’m a virgin.”
Julian suspected that Elim didn’t hear his own words. He had only barely heard them with his genetically enhanced hearing. But, he had been caught completely off guard. His initial response was disbelief. There was no way that the worldly, charming spy hadn’t… But, then realization sunk in hard. Elim’s reaction to the touch, the continued bouts nervousness, and his inability to tell Julian it all added up.
“Oh shit, Elim I’m so sorry. No wonder… I’d have never guess that you were a virgin. I…”
“I don’t want your pity Doctor.”
Garak turned so that his back was to Julian. This was going to be difficult, Julian thought. He put his hands on Elim’s arms and exerted a light pressure. Elim refused to respond.
Well, Julian thought, time to go to the mountain. He got up and walked around positioning himself in front of Elim. The man stared resolutely at the ground, presumably unwilling to see the pity he thought Julian was expressing. Julian squatted down in front of the man and glanced at Elim’s face.
“You know, I’m at a lose here. Why would I be feeling pity for you right now? I was trying to apologize for my earlier actions. I would have jumped out of my skin in that situation as well. But, obviously I’m still missing some important information.”
“Oh, come Doctor, don’t try and play those games with me. You and I both know that humans don’t value virginity anymore than Cardassians.”
Julian realized that Elim was moving back into his defensive attack mode. ‘He needed to make the man understand that he didn’t need to be defensive. He needed to disarm him somehow.
“Really? We humans don’t value virginity? I’m glad you explained that to me. I’d gone about my entire life think otherwise. I guess it’s good that I’ve an expert on human sexuality as a friend.”
Elim finally looked Julian in the face. He looked rather surprised by Julian’s response, and it seemed to snap him out of the morose revelry.
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you Julian.” He smiled.
“Maybe not, but it got your attention.”
Julian once again took Elim’s hands, partly to comfort him. But, mostly he wanted to keep the man from turning away again, physically or mentally. He was sure they could sort things out if he could just get the man in front of him to explain what was going on inside of that impenetrable head of his.
“Now why don’t you tell me how Cardassians view virginity? Then I’ll tell you if I view it similarly or not. Somehow I think you are wrong this time.”
He gave and encouraging squeeze to the tense hands he was holding. There was long pause. Then the hands relaxed considerably.
Elim had decided that at this point there was nothing to loose. The thought was dismal, but it also allowed him to finally relax. He could explain Cardassian society to Julian, and they could compare it to human society. He was certain that for once the two would be in agreement. His observations of the human tendency to constantly seek sexual partners provide evidence enough.
“Cardassians see sexual virginity in an adult to be disgraceful. It’s improper, worthy of ridicule and nothing more. It’s the responsibility of all adult Cardassians to attempt to procreate. Finding that your intended partner is inexperienced cause disgust and revulsion. It almost always leads to a termination of the pursuit.”
He paused and looked into Julian’s face. He expected to see some sort of confirmation there. But, instead he saw dumbfounded surprise mixed with a small amount of horrified curiosity. He continued to explain.
“You see on Cardassia there is a time, around the age of nineteen, that everyone is encouraged to explore their sexuality. This occurs during their last level of school, when boys and girls are first put into classes together. Of course many of them have already explored their sexuality with mates of the same gender before this time. Anyone that has maintain their virginity after their early twenties is viewed as undesirable.”
Julian had been listening attentively to Elim’s explanation. At first he wasn’t sure what to say. He was a little appalled by the way virginity was shunned by Cardassians. He was also shocked that Elim thought humans viewed virginity in this manner.
But, the first question out of his mouth was, “So, how is it that you are still a virgin?”
It had been a tactless question. He was preparing to put his foot in his mouth when he added, “I don’t see virginity as repulsive or shameful.”
“That’s why you make a point of chasing women around in a way that let’s every know what you’re doing?”
Garak was skeptical. He’d seen many humans display a similar behavior to Julian’s when it came to dating. They bragged nearly as much as Cardassian military officers.
“I’ll assume that comment wasn’t meant to be as insulting as it sounded. And, I’ll have to set you straight about your views of human sexuality, but that can wait. How is it that you’re still a virgin? Is there some other cultural reason? I can’t imagine that you weren’t able to find many interested parties to mate with. You are a catch after all.”
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General comments and constructive criticism welcome. Feel free to comment.
I acknowledge that Elim Garak, Julian Bashir, Cardassia, etc. are the property of either Paramount or CBS, not entirely sure which due to the changes in 2006. The story is however mine, and done solely for entertainment purposes.
COMING SOON:
The Complete Part 4
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